I think about my job a lot, always trying to figure out exactly what it is that makes me love my work so much. Here's one reason: I love my job because it doesn't feel like a job at all, it just feels like being part of a family. All the other jobs I've ever had felt abnormal--I would step out of my regular life and go do some task that I would otherwise never be doing--and then I would get off and re-enter the real world. In between punching in and punching out, I would count the hours--watching the clock and waiting for this interruption to end so that I could get back to what I really wanted to be doing.

When you're doing what you love--what you would want to be doing whether anyone paid you or not--well then, you don't have to watch the clock. Confucius said to choose a job that you love, and then you will never have to work a day in your life. There's this amazing feeling when you find a job that pays you to actually do what you want to be doing. So, I'm doing what I love--therefore, my job doesn't feel like a job at all. But there's another reason my job doesn't feel like a job: my job is, essentially, to be an active, supportive, and loving member of a family. This doesn't feel like a job to me--just a normal part of life. I spent the first eighteen and a half years of my life being part of a vibrant, struggling, chaotic, and loving family unit. This comes naturally.

When I moved away to college, I was still part of my family, but in a more removed way. I was a member, but from a distance. And the minute I moved, I started missing my family, and realizing just how much I had taken for granted. There's an inevitable loneliness that comes when you learn to live alone, or with a couple roommates....after you've lived in a house with six people whose actions, thoughts, emotions, and histories were shared in such close quarters. I love Sean, and we are incredibly happy together--we are completely happy in each others company, but to me--so often--our house feels empty. I especially feel this after I come home from a long day at work--where I slip right into the family dynamic and thrive in that environment. Sean and I have a family dynamic--it is just the family dynamic of two--which is far different from the family dynamic of 5 or 6 people, that I am used to. It's good for it to be just me and Sean right now. But I also can't WAIT until the day when our home is overflowing with children, and buzzing with life and activity. I also continue to love my job and enjoy all the moments I get to spend with these three kids--who have become family to me, and I to them simply by the sheer amount of time we spend together and the affection we share.

I love mornings when I take Vinny outside to wait for his mom to get back from driving carpool for her oldest child, so she can pick Vinny up and take him to school. Giuwels always tags along in her pajamas and we open the garage door and find the street half in shadow, half bursting with early morning sunlight. Vinny digs out a basketball from somewhere in the garage and starts shooting hoops, and Giuwels put her little hand in mine and says, "Come on, Carolyn, let's go sit in the sun." And we walk over to the large rocks that line their neighbor's yard, and she plays on the rocks and I sit on one, enjoying the warmth of the sunlight contrasting with the chill morning air. And everything is bright, and new, and the children are beautiful and precious, and this--to me--is happiness.

A Year In Books

My 2010 Reading List:

January 2010

The World Is Flat – Thomas Friedman

*Baby Catcher – Peggy Vincent

People of the Book – Geraldine Brooks

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

The Republic of East L.A. – Luis Rodriguez

**Walk Two Moons – Sharon Creech (Audio Book, with Sean)

February 2010

****My Story As Told By Water – David James Duncan

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – J. K. Rowling (Audio Book)

A Wrinkle in Time – Madeleine L’Engle

*The Noonday Demon – Andrew Solomon

Spiritual Midwifery – Ina May Gaskin (First half of book: Birth Stories, 218 pages)

A Circle of Quiet – Madeleine L’Engle; 246 pages

A Wind in the Door – Madeleine L’Engle; 240 pages

March 2010

The Summer of the Great Grandmother – Madeleine L’Engle; 246 pages

Giving Birth – Catherine Taylor; 300 pages

A Swiftly Tilting Planet – Madeleine L’Engle; 256 pages

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – J. K. Rowling (Audio Book)

The Midwife – Jennifer Worth; 319 pages

Lady’s Hands, Lion’s Heart – Carol Leonard; 354 pages

Many Waters – Madeleine L’Engle; 310 pages

A Perfect Mess – Eric Abrahamson & David Freedman (Audio Book)

The Irrational Season – Madeleine L’Engle; 215 pages

April 2010

Committed – Elizabeth Gilbert; 285 pages

Things I’ve Been Silent About – Azar Nafisi; 314 pages

Till We Have Faces – C.S. Lewis; 309 pages

Castle Corona – Sharon Creech; Audio Book

Two Part Invention – Madeleine L’Engle; 232 pages

Beautiful Stories of Life – Cynthia Rylant; Audio Book

The Metamorphoses: Books 1 & 2 – Ovid; 50 pages

Shards of Honor – Lois McMaster Bujold; 313 pages

***The Whale Rider – Witi Ihimaera; Audio Book

Barrayar – Lois McMaster Bujold; 386 pages

An Acceptable Time – Madeleine L’Engle; 367 pages

May 2010

The Fabric of This World – Lee Hardy; 185 pages

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J.K. Rowling; Audio Book

The Warrior’s Apprentice – Lois McMaster Bujold; 315 pages

Acedia & me – Kathleen Norris; 329 pages

Anne of Green Gables – Lucy Maud Montgomery; Audio Book

June 2010

I GOT MARRIED!!!!!

July 2010

Fellowship of the Ring – J. R. R. Tolkien; Audio Book

Tinkers – Paul Harding

The Outsiders – S. E. Hinton

*The Count of Monte Cristo – Alexander Dumas; Audio Book

The Cloister Walk – Kathleen Norris

August 2010

Anne of Avonlea – Lucy Maud Montgomery; Audio Book

*****The Brothers K – David James Duncan; 645 pages

Anne of the Island – Lucy Maud Montgomery; Audio Book

The Two Towers – J. R. R. Tolkien; Audio Book

Dakota – Kathleen Norris; 220 pages

The Maytrees – Annie Dillard; 216 pages

Travels with Charley – John Steinbeck; Audio Book

*A Mother’s Rule – Holly Pierlot; 200 pages

September 2010

Housekeeping – Marilynne Robinson; Audio Book

The Quotidian Mysteries – Kathleen Norris; 88 pages

Life of Antony & Letter to Marcinellus – Athanasius; 129 pages

The Rule of St. Benedict – St. Benedict; 70 pages

A Thousand Acres – Jane Smiley; Audio Book; 13 discs

Around the World in 80 Days – Jules Verne; Audio Book; 7 discs

October 2010

Church History in Plain Language – Bruce L. Shelley; 495 pages

Funny in Farsi – Firoozeh Dumas; 198 pages

The Nanny Diaries – Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus; 306 pages

Invisible Cities – Italo Calvino; 165 pages

Unmasking L.A. – edited by Deepak Narang Sawhney; 260 pages

You’ll Never Nanny in this Town Again – Suzanne Hansen; 286 pages

And Nanny Makes Three – Jessika Auerbach; 272 pages

Nicholas Nickleby – Charles Dickens; 25 discs

November 2010

The Perfect Stranger – Lucy Kaylin; 228 pages

Flipped – Wendelin Van Draanen; 6 discs

*Searching for Mary Poppins – edited by Susan Davis and Gina Hyams; 275 pages

Just Like Family – Tasha Blaine; 319 pages

Global Woman – Edited by: Babara Ehrenreich and Arlie Hochschild; 284 pages

December 2010

White House Nannies – Barbara Kline; 234 pages

The Year of Living Biblically – A. J. Jacobs; 332 pages

Where I Was From – Joan Didion; 226 pages

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince – J. K. Rowling; 17 discs

*******Crunchy Cons – Rod Dreher; 250 pages

Total: 74 Books

It's been a wonderful year for reading books! I started out the year devouring midwifery literature and ended the year pouring over nanny-literature. In between, and all throughout, I revisited books that are old friends ( the Anne of Green Gables series), read my favorites over and over again (Harry Potter), made wonderful memories (I'll never forget sitting in the sands of Waimea Bay at sunset and watching Sean body surf in the cresting waves while I read Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking or driving through the green mountains of Oregon on our honeymoon listening to Fellowship of the Ring), and discovered delightful new authors like Kathleen Norris (thought-provoking), A.J. Jacobs (hilarious), and Rod Dreher (life-changing). I finally read an extensive portion of Madeleine L'Engle's work (but by no means all of it) and explored topics such as depression and Church History more thoroughly than I ever have before. And there was no lacking in adventure: I journeyed through outer space with Miles Vorkosigan and swam with whales in the wild waters off the shores of New Zealand. I battled Voldemorte alongside Harry, Ron, and Hermione, exacted a breathtaking revenge with Edmond Dantes, and traveled around the world (in 80 days!) with Phileas Fogg. I delivered babies with Berkeley's best midwife, trekked to Mount Doom with Frodo and Sam, and roamed the streets of East L.A. with Luis Rodriguez. The worst book I read this year was A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley. Do yourself a favor and never read it. Do yourself a favor and read Crunchy Conservatives by Rod Dreher, which wins for being by far the most life-changing book I read this year. I familiarized myself with some classics--including The Count of Monte Cristo and Nicholas Nickleby (both of which are brilliant and amazing books!). The best book I read this year was--hands down--The Brothers K by David James Duncan. This was my second time reading it, and I loved it even more--if possible--than the first time I read it. This is probably the most rich and heart-warming/breaking, loving and funny story of a family that anyone will ever read. I also reread Annie Dillard's The Maytrees, which--after visiting Megan in Massachusetts this Spring, took on new meaning and beauty for me. To read books is to associate with the Great: St. Benedict, John Steinbeck, and C.S. Lewis--to name a few. The adventure of reading books is second only to the greater adventure of living life, and I hope--by God's grace--to do much more of both in 2011.