I think about my job a lot, always trying to figure out exactly what it is that makes me love my work so much. Here's one reason: I love my job because it doesn't feel like a job at all, it just feels like being part of a family. All the other jobs I've ever had felt abnormal--I would step out of my regular life and go do some task that I would otherwise never be doing--and then I would get off and re-enter the real world. In between punching in and punching out, I would count the hours--watching the clock and waiting for this interruption to end so that I could get back to what I really wanted to be doing.

When you're doing what you love--what you would want to be doing whether anyone paid you or not--well then, you don't have to watch the clock. Confucius said to choose a job that you love, and then you will never have to work a day in your life. There's this amazing feeling when you find a job that pays you to actually do what you want to be doing. So, I'm doing what I love--therefore, my job doesn't feel like a job at all. But there's another reason my job doesn't feel like a job: my job is, essentially, to be an active, supportive, and loving member of a family. This doesn't feel like a job to me--just a normal part of life. I spent the first eighteen and a half years of my life being part of a vibrant, struggling, chaotic, and loving family unit. This comes naturally.

When I moved away to college, I was still part of my family, but in a more removed way. I was a member, but from a distance. And the minute I moved, I started missing my family, and realizing just how much I had taken for granted. There's an inevitable loneliness that comes when you learn to live alone, or with a couple roommates....after you've lived in a house with six people whose actions, thoughts, emotions, and histories were shared in such close quarters. I love Sean, and we are incredibly happy together--we are completely happy in each others company, but to me--so often--our house feels empty. I especially feel this after I come home from a long day at work--where I slip right into the family dynamic and thrive in that environment. Sean and I have a family dynamic--it is just the family dynamic of two--which is far different from the family dynamic of 5 or 6 people, that I am used to. It's good for it to be just me and Sean right now. But I also can't WAIT until the day when our home is overflowing with children, and buzzing with life and activity. I also continue to love my job and enjoy all the moments I get to spend with these three kids--who have become family to me, and I to them simply by the sheer amount of time we spend together and the affection we share.

I love mornings when I take Vinny outside to wait for his mom to get back from driving carpool for her oldest child, so she can pick Vinny up and take him to school. Giuwels always tags along in her pajamas and we open the garage door and find the street half in shadow, half bursting with early morning sunlight. Vinny digs out a basketball from somewhere in the garage and starts shooting hoops, and Giuwels put her little hand in mine and says, "Come on, Carolyn, let's go sit in the sun." And we walk over to the large rocks that line their neighbor's yard, and she plays on the rocks and I sit on one, enjoying the warmth of the sunlight contrasting with the chill morning air. And everything is bright, and new, and the children are beautiful and precious, and this--to me--is happiness.