Christmas Cheer!

It's been raining in L.A. for days. Sean finished his finals last Thursday, and flew home on Monday for Christmas. I'm still in Los Angeles because I have to work through this coming Thursday. I have to confess that I was struggling with having a major pity party for myself about this week.

My husband gets to go home, and I have to stay here all alone and work four days in a row, and come home to an empty house infested with ants because of all the rain. And last year I got six weeks off for Christmas...Where's my Christmas break?????



These were some of the thoughts running through my head on Sunday evening as I prepared for work the next day, and Sean got ready to leave. I thought I was going to be miserable, but I temporarily forgot a couple things.

1. I forgot that it's pretty much hard for me to be miserable anywhere (except in Hollywood). Ever the optimist, I just LIKE enjoying myself, so I always try to have fun.

2. I forgot that the kids weren't going to be in school. This means that a ton of pressure is taken off both me and the kids, and better yet, it means that we get to relax and actually spend TIME together, which is wonderful because I love these kids!

And after only two days of working, I know that I wouldn't trade these days for anything in the world. There are special moments, hilarious situations, and inside jokes that make my whole 12 hour work day worth it in a split second. Like Monday morning, when Giuwels asked me if she had school that day. I told her no, and an enormous smile appeared on her face as she said...the good news slowly dawning on her..."That means we can PLAY!"

Yes, my dear, yes it does.

Giuwels has been so much more affectionate than usual, which is so sweet. She's always hugging me and wanting me to pick her up or hold her. Monday morning I told her that she needed to go get dressed for the day, and she said, "Ok, but first I want a hug!!!" and she wrapped her little arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hug ever.


Monday afternoon the four of us went to see Yogi Bear in 3-D...Haha, not my first choice of a movie, but hey, we got to get out of the house, walk around the festive mall, and relax in a movie theater for almost two hours. On the way to the mall, we were listening to Christmas music on the radio when Feliz Navidad came on...We listened for awhile, and then Vinny goes, "What the heck is he saying????" I told him that Feliz Navidad means Marry Christmas in Spanish, and he goes, "Ohhhh....I thought he was saying 'Release Naveda' like Naveda is a person who needs to be released." I'm not entirely sure why, but this sent all of us into gales of laughter--which only got louder when the next song "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" came on the radio and Vinny said, "Santa Claus is coming to town to release Naveda!" So that's our big Christmas joke for this year, along with the fact that whenever one of us does something particularly clever we say, "You're smarter than the average bear!"

Another thing I find so precious is Giuwel's fear of flushing toilets. She hates the loud noise they make. Luckily, the toilets at their house are completely silent, so no problems there. But when we're out and about we can run into difficulties. Usually she goes to the bathroom then gets up, walks as far away as she can and covers her ears while I flush the toilet for her. Yesterday at the mall, Vinny and Giuwels both had to go to the bathroom. The nearest department store was Nordstroms so we ducked in there to use their restrooms. Giuwels and I walked into a handicap stall together, I'm just standing there, happy as a lark, waiting to help her with whatever she needs when she says in a serious tone, "It's an automatic." At first I didn't even know what she was talking about, and then I see that, yes, the toilet is one of those new-fangled gadgets that flush automatically. These are the worst kind because Giuwels has no control over when they flush, so they catch her off guard and scare her. This precious five year old toilet connoisseur looks at me and says, "I'll just go at home, Carolyn." And, bless her heart, that's what she did.

We spent today making sugar cookies. Lots and lots of sugar cookies. I told Giuwels' friend Georgia's mom the other day that I was looking forward to Christmas Break so I could make cookies and do other fun stuff with the kids. She was like, "Wow, I'm glad you think making cookies is fun, I think it's so stressful." I can understand that--if you try to keep everyone in order and have the kitchen stay clean and the cookies turn out perfectly, then yes, it will be stressful. For better or for worse, I expect the most chaotic events when cooking anything with children, so I'm generally not upset when flour flies everywhere, and six grubby hands land in the dough before I remind them to wash their hands. Yes, Michael and Vinny both had to shower after our baking experience, but why not? We had a blast, and the kids made some amazing cookies!

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and then Thursday, and Thursday night I'm catching a plane to the Bay! I cannot wait!

WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

Tonight after work I picked my husband up from Biola's graduation ceremony and I was HORRIFIED to discover that Sean wore his Dharma Initiative LOST T-shirt, his ratty old GYM SHORTS that he wears everywhere, gray socks and FLIP-FLOPS! I expressed my utter mortification over his fashion faux pas and what does he say in an attempt to comfort me? "But I didn't put the socks on until AFTER I sat down."

Oh, that makes me feel SO much better!

So I say, "Sean, you couldn't manage to put on a pair of jeans for your friend's graduation ceremony?" "Care, these are my favorite pants!" "Yeah, and my hot pink pajama pants are my favorite pants, but you don't see me wearing them to class, church, formal events, etc." He replies, "But my shorts aren't PJ's, and I already destroyed one pair of shorts for you!"

And this is true. A few months after we started dating, I broke the news to Sean that his somewhat tight-fitting denim shorts with (I am not kidding you) GOLD STITCHED PLEATS UP AND DOWN THE LEGS AND AROUND THE CROTCH were the worst shorts that ever existed in the entire world. Sean didn't believe me at first, but after I managed to convince him that he should really never wear those shorts in public again, he ripped them into rags and then tossed them from the window of his third floor dorm room.

Good riddance.

And whenever I remember those pleated jean shorts, I start to think that the grungy old gym shorts aren't THAT bad.

P.S. I just read Sean this blog, and he's now laying on our bed reflecting over those ill-fated denim shorts..."I thought those shorts were cool...but then they got a little small."

Family

I strongly believe that in most situations, in order to have quality time, you need to have a quantity of time as well. A lot of times "quality time" can't just be summoned whenever you want to have it--I realize there are some exceptions to this, because I live a long distance away from my dearest loved ones, so I know what it's like to cram a week or two with all the quality time you can. But still. Most of the time, quality time just happens while you're going through the normal, ordinary routines of spending day-in, and day-out with the same person or people. A lot of beautiful moments happen in the midst of daily routines--beautiful moments that we would miss if we didn't commit ourselves to things like: spouses, families, and jobs.

So, I spend 40 hours a week with these three kids that I nanny for, and I love them to death, but not every moment is "we adore each other and are having so much fun enjoying time together." We have regular days: I wake them up when they're not ready to get up, and there are disagreements, even an occasional tantrum, and lots of times we just ride in the car, listening to the radio and not saying much. But in the midst of our ordinary days, extraordinary moments arise.

Yesterday I picked Vinny up from school and he had a fistful of flowers in his hand. When I asked him what they were, he told me, "Sour flowers! And if you chew on the stems they taste really good!" Being the enthusiastic nanny that I am (as well as the eternal optimist, which insists that these plants won't kill me), I took the stem he offered me and began to chew. DELICIOUS! Cold, sour-slightly-sweet juice bursting into my mouth from a bright and crunchy green stalk. What a miracle! When we got home, Vinny immediately hopped on his bike and took off for the "store" at the corner of his block--which is really a big bush of sour flowers. He gathered a great bunch of the juicy stems and came home bearing them like gifts. By this time Giuwels had disappeared inside to play with her new Barbies, but Vinny asked me if we could stay outside. "Sure, what do you want to do?" I ask him, and he says, "I just want to sit and eat these with you." So, we pull down two beach chairs from where they hang in the garage, and we set them up at the opening of the garage. Then, with our chairs facing West--towards the nearby ocean and the coming sunset, we sit down side by side, putting the long green stems in a pile between us, and start munching away--with not a care in the world on a sunny December afternoon.

Later on, Vinny and I spend at least 20 minutes speaking our "special language" --which could be called the Opposite Language, because all you have to do to speak it is say the exact opposite of what you mean. This results in many silly phrases such as, "Vinny, I absolutely forbid you to do your homework! You must never, ever do it!" or, "I hate this--speaking this language isn't fun at all!" I love seeing the delight in his face while he works out what to say or silently translates what I've just said.

And--to the delight of my book loving heart--when I hand Vinny the next book in the Spyderwick series which he's been reading, a little with me, but a lot on his own, he says, "I can't wait to read this book with you!"

I've devoured every book on nannying that I can find, and none of the platitudes dripping with sweetness, the admonishments to maintain professional boundaries, or the Marxist interpretations of buying and selling love as a commodity can help me understand the paradoxical fact that my paid job is to love.

Also, none of it helps me to answer the question that comes late one afternoon at the kitchen table--while I am simultaneously helping Vinny with his homework and painting Giuwels' toenails, and she asks, "Are you part of our family?" I fumble around with my answer, tripping over words as I somehow try to explain the paradox that not even I understand.

But if the question ever comes again, I will somehow try to tell her that there are two kinds of families--family can be a group of people who are related by blood, or a group of people who share life, and are connected by shared love and experiences--who spend a lot of time with each other, know each other deeply, and care and work for the well-being of the other people in the group. Thankfully, a lot of families aren't just one or the other--most families, I believe, are both. But yes, for better or for worse, and somehow in spite of (or is it because of?) the paycheck I receive at the end of every week, and whatever the consequences or implications of it might be: Yes, in some strange way that I still haven't figured out yet, I am a part of their family.

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!

I have never seen Sean so excited as he is now about the Giants playing in the World Series! This afternoon, while I was taking a nap, he dyed his beard black in order to look like the Giants' closing pitcher Brian Wilson.

Unmerited Affirmation

(As told by Sean)


Last Sunday night I went out for an hour or so to practice my upcoming Punk n’ Pie performance (October 29, 2010; 7:00p; Be there) and before I left Carolyn told me that she would do the dishes and clean up the house. I come back and the house looks noticeably cleaner, we go to bed, and Carolyn’s work although noticed, went unthanked. Carolyn typically falls asleep before me because I like to stay up and watch an iTunes University podcast, read for school, or watch highlights of the most recent Giants game especially since they are in the playoffs! After I finish up on the computer, I generally lie awake thinking and praying for at least 20 min. On this particular night while I am lying awake the thought came to my head that in the morning I should thank Carolyn and affirm her for working hard and for especially doing the dishes. As I am thinking these thoughts Carolyn gets up to use the bathroom and get some water just like she does every night. So I figured this would be a great time to gently affirm Carolyn and thank her for doing what she did. She gets back in bed and I turn to her and say, “Carolyn, thank you for doing the dishes tonight, you work so hard and I really appreciate it.” My beautiful, half-awake wife mumbled back to me, “I didn’t do the dishes,” and then quickly rolls over and goes back to sleep thinking my wrath may come upon her for not doing the dishes. Feeling no emotion one way or the other concerning the matter I roll over and go to sleep. The next morning Carolyn being unsure of what happened because of her midnight drowsiness asks if I randomly thanked her for doing the dishes and if so why. I simply told her that I had neglected to check to see if the dishes were done and thought the best of the situation and of her. I told her not to worry about the dishes and that they would be done eventually. The dishes did get done, but Carolyn did not do them and neither did I do them. The cleaning lady that our landlord has come once a month to clean her house and our guest home did the dishes, which was certainly appreciated very much by the both of us. Thank you, Cleaning Lady, wherever you are.

Things I'm Ashamed of Liking:

Or, as we say in America, "Guilty Pleasures":


1. Pizza Hut


I don't know if it's the fact that my family went there for the buffet every Wednesday on my dad's day off, or that Pizza Hut has figured out how to make pure, unadulterated grease appear in the form of bread, cheese, and toppings....Whatever it is, I am fully aware of the baseness of my taste. (I mean, a large pizza with three toppings for $10? You get what you pay for.) But I am convinced that I could travel to the four corners of the world and never taste any pizza better than the one they make at the Pizza Hut on Whittier and Telegraph.


2. Cheesy Pop Songs

I think the statement, "'California Gurls' by Katy Perry changed my life," is a sufficient explanation.

3. Reality TV

The Kardashian Wedding made me cry, and if I see even 20 minutes of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" it's all I can think about for the next week. Combining all the relational drama that my feminine (and nosy) soul craves with my highly addictive nature explains why there's a strict ban on cable in the Thomas household.

4. The LA Dodgers

It took me a little while to realize that as a San Francisco Giants fan, it is not kosher to also like the Dodgers. When Sean and I got engaged I officially transferred my baseball allegiance to the Giants (for the sake of marital bliss)...but I can't escape the fact that when I'm driving down the freeway and see a Dodger blue sign that says, "THIS IS MY TOWN," my heart gives a little leap of forbidden love.


There are plenty of things I'm not ashamed of liking--such as Hawaii, Russian literature, naps, rainy days, grapes, the color yellow, and warm towels...but these are the things that remind me I am still a work in progress!

I love Fall!!!!!!!

Today was a great day.

I got my haircut.

I went grocery shopping.

I deposited my paycheck and mailed a birthday card to my new sister.

I bought a 3 month supply of contact lenses, so I'll be able to see for the rest of the year.

And it was cold! And rainy! And so unbelievably cozy. I got to read in bed and eat licorice. I took a three hour nap while it rained outside.

I made a delicious dinner: green beans and potatoes, salad, cheese, grapes and raspberries.

I got a package in the mail! (New clothes from American Apparel, LOVE!)

I did laundry and washed a billion dishes.

Our house is clean, and the table is decorated with freshly picked apples and Indian corn from our apple-picking adventure of last Saturday.

And I even had time to make pumpkin bread as a surprise treat for Sean.

It's a good feeling: clean clothes, clean dishes, plenty of food in the fridge and the cabinets, money in the bank, and time to spend with my husband in our cozy little home.

Thank you, Lord!

Big Milestone!!

On Friday, October 1, 2010, I received my first ever SILLY BAND!!! These things are so cute and charming, and I just love them! Giuliana and I picked Vinny up from school on Friday, and I took him Staples so he could buy more silly bands for his collection....When he was showing them to us on the drive home, he held up this cute little pink snail, and I fell in love! When we got home, he gave the snail to me, and I haven't taken it off all weekend! How adorable is this???

Just one of the many reasons I love my job:

Vinny: Carolyn, my parents have a lot of money.

Me: Oh really? How you do know that?

Vinny: Well, my mom's been to the bank about a million times to get money, and she hasn't run out yet!

My husband:

Yesterday marked the hottest day in L.A.'s recorded history: 113 degrees!

In Whittier, it was 111 degrees, but Sean was thankfully ensconced in Biola's air conditioned library and didn't melt or anything like that.

Lucky for me, I was in Manhattan Beach working for the day, and although it was in the mid 90's there, we still had the benefit of a lovely ocean breeze, which made the high temperatures more bearable.

I worked late last night, and didn't leave the Costa's house until 9:45. Sean called me when I was almost home and asked me if I wanted him to meet me outside, so I said sure, but when I pulled up, he was nowhere to be seen. I was a little annoyed--thinking to myself, "Well, you shouldn't have offered if you were just going to forget..." Then all of the sudden, a man wearing only a t-shirt and boxers and carrying a cup of water steps out from the shadows of our neighbor's yard and says, "Would you care for something cool to drink?" Thankfully, that man was my husband or I would've been enormously frightened. At the same time, I'm not sure how thankful I am that my husband is prancing around in his underwear in our neighbor's yard in the dark of night. Hmmm. Well, one thing is certain: Life with Sean is never boring! (And for that I am thankful!)

Thursday, September 23rd, 5:21 p.m.

This morning I made blackberry pancakes for Sean while he worked on homework for his Roman Catholic Theology class. This afternoon he gave his presentation on the Nature of the Church in class, and I am sitting at home, still in my pajamas but also in my freshly cleaned house, waiting to hear how it went.

An Exercise in Depth:

Today is our two month anniversary of being married. Sean is in class right now, I am sitting at home on our bed, thinking about what we will have for dinner. Probably eggs. We've been eating a lot of eggs lately--eggs and blueberries. When you live on a pretty strict budget, you wind up in situations like this. At Trader Joe's we found the most plump and juicy container of blueberries and we both wanted to bring it home with us--but how could we? So many blueberries, and just two of us--and we struggle to eat all our food before it goes bad. But we couldn't leave the blueberries behind--so we made a commitment to the blueberries: we would eat them diligently, and let not one of them go to waste. So we ate blueberries around the clock: blueberries in cereal, blueberries in oatmeal, fruit salad consisting of mostly blueberries, AND blueberry pancakes. We ate them all, and felt good about ourselves. Then the Sywulkas gave us a coupon for a free dozen eggs at Target. Well, we had just bought a fresh dozen of eggs already, but who turns down free food? Especially a cheap, delicious, and healthy source of protein! So, we made a commitment to the eggs. This has lead to the odd combination of eating: green beans, potatoes, and scrambled eggs for dinner.

But I am avoiding the main topic: It's the first late summer/early fall in EIGHTEEN YEARS that I'm not starting school. No wonder I feel so strange. And a little lost. While Sean was out this morning, I found myself flipping longingly through his school notebooks--envying his syllabi and homework assignments and reading projects, and my fingers practically itching to start all his work for him--or just to complete assignments along with him. I wouldn't describe myself as jealous or envious--just slightly wistful, and a little confused as I try to adjust to my new roles of wife and full-time employee. I've lived comfortably in the role of student for so long, and in some ways I will always be a student--because I'm committed to life-long learning. And I may yet go to graduate school. But just because a role or situation in life is comfortable doesn't mean we should just camp out there, and I think that part of my longing for school is a longing for what is known, and shrinking from that which is new, and mysterious, and will require much growth from me. I am mostly peaceful. I am ridiculously happy, but more so even than that, I am confident that I am where God wants me to be right now. But to be where you are, to accept God's present positioning of your life is an enormous responsibility. It is so much easier to live in the projected future--when I was in high school, I dreamed of college, in college, I dreamed of being married, now married, I dream of being a mother (and being a student again)...and where will it end? When will I stop wishing my life away and embrace the present? The irony is that the present isn't bad. I LOVE my life. I married the best man I've ever met, we live in a little guest house that I couldn't love more if I'd designed it myself, we're surrounded by a beautiful neighborhood, great friends, the adventures of California, a worshipful church, and supportive family. Sean is attending school at an excellent seminary, and I was handed the job of my dreams from which I come home every night saying, "I LOVE MY JOB--I can't wait to go back!" The problem is not in my circumstances, but inside of me. You see, I am lazy, or perhaps a better way to say it is: I tend towards laziness. It requires strength to rise up and greet the day--to shape the way the day happens instead of letting the day simply happen to you. Sadly, it is often easier to shield oneself in discontent and restless looking to the future than to straighten your shoulders, look the goal in the eyes, and ride out to meet the day.

It's not just about my tendency to laziness, but also my resistance of order. I operated under the gross misconception that structure destroys freedom for far too long. I think that this is the truth that has been missing from my life up to this very point. Maybe it's a bit of a paradox, but I feel that for the first time I'm gazing upon the reality that structured time and an ordered life actually provide the space in which we can be most wholly and joyfully free.

It's been a very, very long journey coming to this point of realization and the desire to do things differently. I wouldn't even have the words to think of these concepts without the books and prayers which have, through one way and another, wound up in my hands: The Psalms, Liturgy, The Book of Common Prayer, the writings of Madeleine L'Engle and Kathleen Norris, and the words and examples of many monks and nuns. It's a strange literary and spiritual journey, and frankly, one that I didn't even know I was on. While I stuffed myself with all these words, I practically refused to write a word of my own. I'm not entirely sure why--I know that laziness was again involved but also I suspect fear played a significant part in my reluctance to write. Writing, for me, has always been an exercise of introspection--evaluating the state of my soul, and seeking to know God more by being willing to contemplate the life he has given me and the ways I react and respond to it. I love to write, and I've been a writer since I started keeping my first diary at age 6 or 7....But I'm not a crafter of stories, I do not, and sincerely doubt that I ever will write even the shortest work of fiction. Writing is the act of assessing my life--and all the life spread out before me--in light of Truth.

It's been a long time of silence for me--silence with God, silence with myself, silence of the world speaking to me...and today I begin to hope for the first time in a very long time that it hasn't all been for nothing.

"Deep water and drowning are not the same thing." --James Baldwin, "Sonny's Blues"

A Prayer:

"Grant us, Lord, the lamp of charity which never fails, that it may burn is us and shed its light on those around us, and that by its brightness we may have a vision of that holy City, where dwells the true and never failing Light, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

--The Book of Common Prayer

The Moon:

I drove home last night going East on the 105 from Manhattan Beach to Whittier. I drove under the full moon, listening to Steinbeck's Travels with Charley on audio book. He describes autumn in New Hampshire, and how he asked a woman there if she ever got used to all the beautiful colors of Fall. The woman responded, "It is a glory, and always a surprise." That's how I feel about the Moon. Every time I see it, it surprises me, and takes my breath away--because somehow during the day I'd forgotten that it exists, and that while I'm working, and reading, cooking, and eating, it is slowly traveling back to my little corner of the world.

A couple of summers ago, my sisters and I drove down to the Main Library in downtown Fort Lauderdale, parked in a big parking garage next to the IntraCoastal and took an elevator up five floors to the top story of the Library: to see a Moon Rock--just a tiny bit of that luminous orb, entombed in a glass case in a little library on Earth. I stared and stared at it, marveling over the most foreign and far away assortment of matter that my eyes have ever seen. I wanted to ask it what it is like in outer space--whirling around in the emptiness, just a little bit closer to God than we are here on Earth.

Perhaps we love the moon not only for its mystery and beauty, but also for its barrenness. Perhaps the cold, silver starkness of its landscape makes our planet seem all the cozier. Steinbeck asks, "What good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?"

Loved This Line While Driving Home Tonight:

"And finally, in our days, a beard is the only thing a woman still cannot do better than a man."

John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley

So Long Sweet Summer:

In many ways our magical summer is drawing to an end. Today ends my week of vacation: I start back to work tomorrow, and Sean starts graduate school on Wednesday. Neither of us are sad about these facts--we're both rather excited actually. I've missed the family I work for, and Sean is already reading his books for school. But we figured we should end summer on the right note, and so yesterday we took the 105 West, past the surprisingly smog-free skyline of Los Angeles, to Manhattan Beach. We took our beach umbrellas which we bought in Hawaii last January, and settled down to read in the sand at the edge of the Pacific.





I did read a lot, but I mostly feasted my eyes on all the beauty around me. The beaches of the South Bay are so beautiful because the coast wraps around both sides and lines them with purple hills and mountains. I read Annie Dillard, and watched the waves crash endlessly, watched the sun begin its slow, sparkling descent over the water, watched the children playing in the surf, watched the planes taking off from LAX and disappearing into the blueness of the sky. As the sun sank, the sky turned the color of a nectarine, and Sean and I sat together on his red dragon towel, cool but not cold in the chilly evening air. I remembered the last night we spent in Hawaii, watching Sean play in the waves of Waimea Bay while I sat in the sand and read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, and wondered how we can bear to love another person so much--a person who may be taken from us at any moment, but whose existence is so essential to our happiness.

It's a fragile world, and I suppose that's what makes it so beautiful.

Tonight Sean and I went for a walk at dusk in our neighborhood, walking slowly in the soft, gray light. Homes look so friendly at twilight, trees stand so elegantly with their silhouettes and shadows, and the moon shone like a newly minted dime in the depths of the watery sky.

The realization came over me tonight that if I don't create space in my life to see and wonder over beauty, it will pass me by--and, even worse, I will become blind to it.

Incredible:

"The question was not death; living things die. It was love. Not that we died, but that we cared wildly, then deeply, for one person out of billions. We bound ourselves to the fickle, changing, and dying as if they were rock."

--The Maytrees, By Annie Dillard

FINISHED!

Last night at 2:30 a.m. Sean and I finished our 2,000 piece puzzle of San Francisco. Sean bought it for me last Christmas, and we decided that it would be the first puzzle we did together in our new home. We listened to Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers while doing the puzzle, and it just made the time fly by. It's good to know that we've accomplished something during my week off! =)

Marriage:

"I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever."

--Ezra Pound, The River Merchant's Wife: A Letter

Weekly Review:

So I believe that it's time for a little update on the Thomas family. After celebrating Harry Potter's birthday at the Magic Castle, we've been thoroughly enjoying the first week of August. We made a budget, and stuck to it this week (and we have high hopes for the next week as well)! We're working out a pattern of regularly grocery shopping and keeping our house clean, which is a bit of a challenge for two highly unstructured people like Sean and I--but bit by bit we hope to create a structured life that works well for us, and still leaves room for our laid-back personalities. On Tuesday Sean registered for his Talbot classes, and now he's really excited about taking Roman Catholic Theology, as well as three other classes, in the Fall. We spent Monday evening with the three Moothart boys, and had an absolute blast with those three clever and adorable boys--especially because they persist in believing that Sean is my dad, haha! We've been doing our laundry at the Sywulka's house, and in exchange we give them avocados from our tree. Sean has also started taking piano lessons from Karissa, in exchange for helping out around their house/construction site. Now he knows where Middle C is!!! On Sunday evening we ate dinner at the Sywulka's house, and Greg and Lauren came as well...Elizabeth made fettucine alfredo for everyone and it was delicious. Last night we ate cheese quesadillas, chips, and Mrs. Sywulka's guacamole--which I kept insisting comes from heaven and not from earth. IT IS SO GOOD! Tonight we had our favorite: breakfast for dinner--with hashbrowns which we bought from Trader Joe's. All week we've been working on a 2,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of San Francisco while listening to The Two Towers--it's been so much fun! Sean is reading Father David's (our priest) science fiction series: the Starman Saga, and I am re-reading The Brothers K--the one by Duncan, not Dostoevsky. It's taking me a little longer than I'd like (my reading has slowed down considerably since I'm working full-time and I'm married), but it's alright because it's such a great book that I don't want it to be over. I'm also listening to Anne of Avonlea on audiobook, and reliving so many of my favorite Anne-moments. So far, I'm still really enjoying my job--I met another American nanny who works just across the street for a little girl, so on Friday we took our two charges to the park and we got to talk. It turns out she's also a Christian, which was really encouraging to me to be able to relate on that level. On the way home, we met a dog named Tracy Jane who is a Wheaten Terrier, and now I HAVE MY HEART SET on having one!




And now we're on the eve of another week--may it be filled with God's grace and blessing! Love to all family and friends far and near--we miss you all!

Do you believe in magic?

I do!

After a visit to the world famous Magic Castle, a prestigious magic club located in downtown Hollywood, I am convinced. The Club is so exclusive that you can only get in if you're a member, or the guest of a member. Thankfully, Karissa's brother Jonathan is a Junior Member and last week was Future Stars Week at the Castle, so Johnny took Karissa, Sean, and I along for the night!

The Magic Castle is a huge old mansion built in the early 1900's and turned into a Magic Club in the 1960's. You walk into the front hall, get approved to enter, and then turn to the bookcase on the left wall and say, "Open Sesame," and the bookshelf opens before your eyes and you enter into the one of the most twisting, turning, confusing mansions imaginable.

We walked up and down staircases, through dimly lit hallways and past shadowy rooms and secluded alcoves. We got in line for the first Parlor Show of the evening, at which Karissa was called onto the stage to assist the magician in one of his tricks.

The moment that really changed my life was when we were all crowded in to a tiny little room down in the lower level of the mansion to see Magic Mike--a 23 year old magician who was one of the funniest people ever. Anyway, I was selected to assist him in a trick, which was very thrilling! The trick went like this: he flipped through the deck and had a random person in the audience tell him where to stop. Then, right where he stopped, he split the deck in two and handed me one of the piles, and told me to count the cards in front of everyone. I held the cards up high and counted 14 cards. Then he told me to put the cards someplace no one could get to them--so I sat on them. Then he had another girl in the audience choose a card out of the deck, and she picked a three of hearts. So he said that he would magically add three cards to the pile I was sitting on. He did all kinds of magical movements, and then told me to take the cards out and count them again. When I did, much to my utter amazement, I found SEVENTEEN CARDS IN THE PILE!!!!!!!!

How did he do it?????????


Jonathan's show was amazing! And I'm so glad we decided to stay for the stage show att 11:15 because it was mind-blowing and most of all FUNNY. I laughed so hard I had to cover up my face and put my head down because this one kid named Kyle had written his own routine and it was the funniest thing I have ever heard. "The nostalgia is overwhelming!!!"

The best part of it all is that we went to the Magic Castle on July 31st: HARRY POTTER'S BIRTHDAY! I mean, how fitting is that? We arrived home wearily at 2 a.m. after a very magical evening.

3 things:

A lot has happened since I last wrote, too much to write about in just one post. So for now, I will just catch you up on a few major things:

1. I love being married.

Last October, just after we had gotten engaged, Chris Oliver asked me what I was looking forward to the most about being married to Sean, and I promptly responded, "It will be an adventure! There is never a dull moment with Sean," (or something to that effect...) To illustrate this point, I will briefly describe one scenario: Last Thursday night, Sean and I had a few friends over (Lauren, Greg, Jason, Dan, Adria) and we cooked a big spaghetti dinner on a tiny little hot plate (our stove wasn't hooked up yet) and ate outside in the cool evening air, but this story isn't about the dinner really, but about the dishes produced by that dinner. Immediately after our meal, we went to the movies to see Incepcion, and, since I had work the next day, I asked Sean to do the dishes while I was gone. Well, that didn't happen, but it was understandable because on Friday we got our internet installed, our stove hooked up, and our new bed frame set up. So when I had to work Saturday night, I asked Sean to just do the dishes then. I returned home right around 1:00 in the morning, and found my new husband wearing only a bathing suit and a pair of rubber gloves, washing dishes IN THE SHOWER. When I confronted him about the oddity of this situation, the truth came out: Sean hates doing dishes. I said that I wish he would've told me this earlier, because I LIKE doing dishes and was only asking him to do them since I wasn't around. Sean said, "I could do the dishes if I had a sink with two sides, a garbage disposal, and a hose." We do not have any of those things, and so I'm now the official dish-washer in our family, which is fine with me. On Sunday, I washed the three and a half days old dirty dishes (in the sink, not the shower), while Sean did a chore that I happen to hate: grocery shopping. Divvying up chores like this is wonderful! And all is well that ends well...My shower ended up streaked with grease and tomato sauce and the drain clogged with bits of salad and avocado, but even that cleaned up pretty well with a little 409.

2. I love my job.

For me to be able to say I love a job that wakes me up at 5:40 a.m. three mornings a week is a big deal, but it is the truth. I'm sure I'll be writing a lot about my job in the days to come, so for now I'll just describe another scene--in an attempt to show why I love my job so much. On Wednesday I picked up Giuliana from her Little Click Club (where she's learning to use a computer) and we walked over to the park to eat the picnic lunch I packed for us. It was a crisp, sunny California day...the kind of beautiful day that makes everyone want to live in California forever, because sun and wind and sky and ocean combine together in a glorious perfection. Well, I sat on the ground with Giuwels in my lap, peeling Clementines, and the two of us sharing the juicy orange pieces one by one. The warm sun was shining down on us in perfect contrast to the cool air, and I was filled with a deep contentment. Giuwels said, with her head leaning against my chest, "I like you." I said, "I like you too." And she added, "I love when we do this...let's do this every day!"

3. I love my new house.

Perhaps house isn't the most appropriate term for what is in fact a tiny studio apartment, but it stands alone behind our landlady's house, and because we live in a guest house rather than an apartment complex, I insist on calling this our house. Tonight is a good night to write about our new home, because I am completely at peace with it. For the past three weeks we've had boxes everywhere, and today I woke up and said, "No more. I will not go to sleep with boxes in my house tonight." While Sean helped Jason move, I unpacked the last few boxes and put the finishing touches on everything...Now I am sitting here feeling satisfied beyond belief. We somehow managed to fit in everything we wanted: our king size bed, 4 bookshelves, a table, four chairs, a desk, a love seat, and a stove! We live in a tiny room nestled under a great avocado tree. Our sliding glass doors open onto a small balcony and an orange tree. We wake up in the night to avocados falling on our roof, we reach for each others' hand and go back to sleep. Our Harry Potter books are sitting on our desk between two wooden lion bookends that were carved in Africa. During the day, Timmy and Garfield preside over our bed. Our house is overflowing with books. We have way more books than we have square feet to live in, and that's the way we like it. Our portrait done by the street artist in Waikiki is hanging on the wall, as well as prints by Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and Monet. The picture of Jesus that has hung over my bed since I was a toddler is also hanging on our wall, as well as Sean's crucifix from his first Communion. It is our home, and we love it, and I want everyone to come visit even though there's nowhere for them to stay! We'll make room!

BUSINESS!!!!

It has been absolutely the craziest week ever.

Last Saturday, Sean and I both graduated from Biola University!

Then we went to Roscoe's to celebrate!

Then we stayed up until at least 3:00 a.m. moving Sean out of his apartment.

Then we went to church and stayed for the potluck lunch, where they had a big chocolate cake to celebrate us and Father David gave us a blessing for our upcoming marriage.

We spent Monday hiking in Pasadena's Eaton Canyon, and had one of the best days ever...trails, running stream, amazing waterfall, warm sunshine, great conversation...

Monday evening we came back to La Mirada, and made a delicious spaghetti dinner with Jason, and enjoyed drinking red wine and playing Boggle.

On Tuesday Sean went with me to a job interview in Manhattan Beach, which went quite well!

Then we babysat Claire and Nicholas for the afternoon, and had fun taking them to the park.

Next we drove down to Irvine, and Sean hung out at a Starbucks while I babysat for the Kims for the last time.

Wednesday was filled with more babysitting...including my last time babysitting for the Lee's.

On Thursday morning, I got in a very, very, very minor, but no less upsetting, car accident, which made me late to my last day of work with Claire and Nicholas.

I picked up my wedding dress on Thursday!

Sean and I bought a super awesome bed for an even more amazing price!

And I stayed with the 3 Moothart boys overnight while Emily and Gabe went away to celebrate their anniversary.

Friday was spent with the Moothart boys. Sean and I bought them Happy Meals and took them to La Mirada Park where we fed the ducks and played Lava Monster.

Friday night we ordered pizza with Sean's friends, and drank homemade beer (which tasted terrible, therefore I consumed almost none of it) and talked about how awesome Harry Potter is until late in the night.

Today (Saturday) I had a second job interview in Manhattan Beach, which I am waiting to hear back about. We looked at a potential apartment and furniture...put our engagement photos up online...and tried to take a deep breath before another crazy week begins tomorrow.

I can't wait for a rest. On June 27th.

This Is Hell.

It's the Sunday after graduation, and I feel trapped in a weird time zone, waiting for the newest chapter in my life to begin, while the previous chapter has already ended. I dislike these strange in between times.

After the ceremony, Sean and I went with Dad and Amanda to Roscoe's to celebrate. We like to celebrate at Roscoe's. It's where we went after my Torrey Graduation, and immediately after we got engaged--where we sat in the weird, rosy lighting and looked at my ring in disbelief and had the waitress take pictures of us. Anyway, we went there yesterday and filled ourselves up with chicken, waffles, red beans, and rice. We walked around the much too bright streets of Hollywood reading the names inscribed in the stars on the sidewalk. My conclusion is as always: Hollywood is overrated and I would never want to live there in a million years.

In some ways, last night marked the beginning of Sean and I taking up our responsibilities as an independent couple. We were solely responsible for getting Sean moved out of his apartment, and while I can't say that it was the greatest idea to wait until about 10:00 p.m. to start moving, I probably would have done the same thing. Moving is such an unbelievably awful process that it must be avoided for as long as possible, no matter what the consequences. Still, it was us. No parents and no friends to help. I kept bemoaning the fact that his dad and sister hadn't stayed around to help us. Sean kept saying, "This is hell," and I added, "This is what Jesus died to save us from." (We were not very happy.) And yet, while the experience was sheer and total misery (3:00 in the morning, loading up our car with boxes), it was unifying, and enjoyable in the fact that we were working together as a team. I like solidifying experiences like that--that cement the fact that it's us against the world, and we've got to stick together. I'm sure many people will be sad that they missed the sight of us driving through the dark streets of La Mirada with a 6 foot tall book shelf hanging out of the car, and the one of the back doors wide open with me desperately trying to hold onto everything and keep it inside. And then we crashed into the bushes.

This morning at Church they had a cake for us, and Father David blessed us on our upcoming marriage!

This is a big week: moving, job interviews, finishing up the jobs I've worked this past year (which means saying good-bye to many dear, sweet children) wrapping up some of the final wedding details. But before any of that we are going hiking. For the past few months, the sole desire of my body, soul, and spirit has been to go hiking. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. We are taking the day off and going hiking in Pasadena, and I cannot wait!!!!

Graduation:

What never ceases to amaze me is how the cataclysmic events of our lives unfold so unassumingly. Yesterday morning I woke up, I put a black robe on over my dress and walked across a stage, shook a hand, received a slip of paper, and now I am a college graduate.

It's that simple.

Yet I come home after the ceremony, lay down in my bed to sleep the sleep of accomplishment, and I can't drift off because memories of the past five years are pouring through my mind, and I can't stop them.

I am in the throes of nostalgia.

A Letter from the Past

A couple of weeks ago Sean got a letter in the mail...from his 12 year old self. His 7th grade history teacher had all of his students write letters to themselves, which he promised to mail to them in 10 years.

This is Sean's:
Dear Sean Thomas,

This is a letter from the past. Remember in 2000 about Mrs. Gonzalez, that Jason Yim, Chris Morales, and Todd Marquese all hate Jason Harding. You have read Two and One of the Harry Potter Collection, You are on three and waiting for four which came out in July or July, 8, 2000. You watch WWF Raw Is War on Mondays and WWF SmackDown is on Thursdays. 10 years from now I should be WWF Superstar that has faced the 37 year old Rock, if still there. Have a wife and expect a kid soon. I've never smoke or done drugs. Be healthy and have never broken an arm or a leg. Have a good education. Only share this with girlfriend or wife. Have never broken the law

Sincerely,
Sean Thomas

If the West falls, I'm your man!

There are some things that pretty much never fail me:

1. The Psalms (and Scripture in general)

2. A good meal

3. A conversation with my mom

4. A great book


These are (or should be) my go to's when I find myself in the Slough of Despond.


As I struggle in the midst of wedding planning, finishing a hellish online Spanish class in order to graduate, work, job hunting, coping with being off an anti-depressant, the pressures of moving, and a million other imaginable and unimaginable stresses (like the emotional strain of possibly moving away from a place and people that I've loved for up to five years), I find words like, "In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust...Be thou my strong rock...For thy name's sake lead me, and guide me..." to be the firm ground upon which I can place my feet, and stake my life.

Great books--especially old, often read and dearly loved books, are joys in the midst of changing times, that's for sure. I left La Mirada library on Tuesday morning, practically giddy with delight over my newly checked-out treasures: Anne of Green Gables, The Fellowship of the Ring, and The Count of Monte Cristo on audiobook. I felt sure that if they knew how happy I was, they would never let me take my bounty for free. I suppose the public library system proves that happiness can be without a cost (unless you're a tax payer).

Listening to Anne of Green Gables makes me completely not mind--dare I say--even enjoy being stuck in bad traffic on the 5 for way too long. I am too busy laughing over Anne's antics and predicaments, and quoting Marilla's best lines, and enjoying the comfortable familiarity of a childhood book to care that I'm crawling along the asphalt at five miles an hour along with every other Southern Californian.

Last night Sean took me to Ruby's for our TWO YEAR anniversary. On the way back, I was telling him about my latest audiobook adventures, and he asked me, "Do you ever worry that one day you might live in a totalitarian regime in which the freedom to read whatever you want is not allowed?" My answer: EVERY DAY. Which is why I've been working on my "Books to Save In Case A Totalitarian Regime Takes Over" List for a long time:

1. The Bible
2. The Complete Works of Shakespeare
3. The Brothers Karamazov
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I'm convinced that these are the books which would bolster my courage in the face of pure evil, and keep me constantly reminded that Goodness, Truth, and Beauty still exist in this world. These are the literary masterpieces that would uphold my soul in the hour of darkness.

(On a side note: I believe that this is also why I attempt to--and sometimes succeed at--memorizing prodigious amounts of Scripture. Surely I am spurred on by a desire to know God and be transformed by His Word, but I also harbor a very melodramatic and inspiring vision of the West falling, and when we all meet together underground to piece our lives and literatures back together, I can supply Colossians and 1 John for the welfare and benefit of my fellow man! [Obviously on an even greater side note, I have read Fahrenheit 451 far too many times.])


All that to say, Sean and I have decided that when we have our own place, we will specifically arrange a collections of books that we will easily be able to grab in case the government suddenly falls and the Marxists--or, God forbid--the KJV-only fundamentalists take over and drive us God-fearing, literature-loving, Harry Potter and Walt Disney fans underground.

Too funny:

The sign on my 11 year old sister's door reads:


Camie's Room
Do NOT Enter upon Punishment of Death

No Boys Alowwed
(Accept Sean & Emilio)

If you really want to come in
Knock! PLEASE!!



This somewhat violent pronouncement is decorated with pink peace signs.

Ketchup:

I just finished unpacking from my trip to Boston, which was over two weeks ago. I only decided to unpack now because I need my suitcase to go to Florida on Wednesday night. Otherwise, I'd probably let it all go right on sitting there. Sean says I need a "rock bottom" for habits like this. A "rock bottom" is a wrestling move that Sean basically thinks will solve any problem in the world. I have yet to be impressed. My roommate, Amy Beth, is starting to pack up all her stuff to take back to Seattle this summer. Allan walked through our room the other day and said, "Oh Carolyn, are you packing too?" My response? No, I just live like this.

So, I'm really, really excited about going to Florida. I am going to have a bridal shower! Ever since I was about 9 or 10 years old, and went to both Lisa's and Theresa's bridal showers in the same year, I have wanted a bridal shower more than almost anything. A bridal shower and a rehearsal dinner. These events always struck me as far more important and glamorous than the wedding itself. Some girls dream about their weddings growing up, I dreamed about my rehearsal dinner. This is probably why I bought my rehearsal dinner dress before even securing a wedding dress.

Today made me so very happy because after a week of oppressively cold weather, it was sunny and relatively warm, and I wore my soon to be sister-in-law's red track shorts from middle school, and felt quite exuberant and sunny. After premarital counseling with our dear Father David, we drove home via State College, and stopped at the beautiful park situated quite nicely at the intersection of State College and Bastanchury. We parked the car, and stood for awhile in the warm sunlight, watching the green hills, and the hazy, still-snow-covered mountains in the distance. Life is so beautiful, and I was seized with an unshakable desire to go hiking. I made Sean promise that we will go hiking a lot when we get married, because hopefully then I will have a job with somewhat regular hours and will not have to work on the weekends.

Speaking of jobs, I will take a brief moment to mention my frustrations with my current job searching status: It is, for the most part, halted. I realized that I can't apply for a job in April and then say that I can't start working until July. So I'm still keeping my eye out there for opportunities, but I really do think that I'll have to wait awhile longer before I can really start applying for jobs--which is just as well, I suppose, considering how much work it's taking me to plan this wedding.

Yesterday, we celebrated St. George's Day, at St. George's, no less, which is the name given to the back apartment of Took Hall, where Peter Gross and Lewis Reynolds currently reside. The party was nothing short of splendid: we drank tea, and ate treacle toffee and all other sorts of specifically British delicacies, played the Great Dalmudi (of which I had a brief, but "M-A-L-evilent" reign, as Sean dubbed it [which is a lie, because I was an absolutely delightful ruler]), read aloud the story of St. George slaying the dragon, made merry, and said many times, "God, England, and St. George!" We left feeling quite jolly, which could have simply been a result of all the treacle I consumed going straight to my bloodstream for a wondrous sugar high.

My reading life has been quite interesting of late. Upon finishing Two Part Invention by Madeleine L'Engle (which I highly recommend), I picked up a couple of books and tried to start them, to no avail. They just didn't feel right. And then a strange thing occurred--something similar to what I imagine a pregnant woman experiences when she starts to crave laundry detergent, or pickles, or something equally odd--I had a literary craving: a craving to read Ovid. And so I did. I read the first two books of The Metamorphoses, and loved every word of it. I read parts of it aloud to Claire, and she enjoyed the poetry as well. (At least it made her laugh.) With that craving out of my system, I have embarked on a new adventure: Science Fiction. Particularly, the Miles Vorkosigan series, of which I just finished the second book: Barrayar. IT IS SO GOOD! AND SO FUN! I love reading just about anything I can get my hands on, but there is the specific and unbeatable pleasure of reading a good story, that draws you in and doesn't let you go until the last page. Sean will probably be relieved that I've finished this book, since I've spent the last couple of days making continuous statements like, "I've just GOT to find out what happens on Barrayar!!!!"

In the audio book world, which is another pleasant land in which I often travel, I just finished listening to Whale Rider, which delighted me beyond belief with its characters and excellent reading, and now I am listening to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets--my least favorite book in the HP series, but wholly wonderful nevertheless.

I told Sean this afternoon, in all serious, and probably with only a hint of exaggeration (if I am honest with myself), "You know, after Christ, and you, and my family, and my Torrey education....Harry Potter is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

The end.
(For tonight.)

"I am a hostage to my own humanity..."

1. I've decided I want to be a nanny.

By that I mean, I want to pursue being a full-time, professional nanny, because--after all my skirmishes and struggles over grad-school options and career moves, this fits. I would love it, and enjoy it, and be good at it, and I am qualified for it as well.

In some ways, it feels really, really good to know what I want to do, and thus, to go about pursuing it. But it's also far harder to want something...to really want it--it just makes waiting for it, patiently, so much harder. It was easy to apply to any job that looked remotely possible just for the heck of it, but now that I want a specific job, my heart feels much more on the line.

2. Sean and I have a tentative plan.

This is a relief because I was starting to go insane with not having any definite plans for after our marriage. Our plan? Well, unless something drastically changes (like one or both of us get a good job), we'll pack all our stuff up in L.A. and take it up to his parents' house in the Bay Area. We'll enjoy our wedding and honeymoon, and afterward come back and stay at his parents' house for a few (couple?) months while we look for jobs. This makes me happy. While I suppose it would be ideal to have our own place picked out before the wedding, this just takes all the pressure off. It allows us to finish up at Biola, to graduate, enjoy family, get married and honeymoon without having to stress out majorly about jobs. It provides us with a few months margin (and free rent!) while we start to set up our lives after our wedding.

3. That being said, I am still frantically looking for jobs. I guess the fact that I've been working for the past 10 years makes me somewhat hesitant about being jobless. I nearly drove myself to a panic attack, worrying about jobs and such today. Finally, I had to set my phone down and stop checking my email compulsively to see if I'd heard from potential employers. This was good. I read a book. Took a nap. Then woke up and started frenziedly applying for more positions. Ah, well. It was a nice reprieve.

4. Why is it so hard to trust God? Or, why am I finding it so hard to trust God right now? Nothing in my life has ever lead me to believe I can't trust him...every experience adds on to all the reasons I have to believe his promises, and yet when stuff like this arises: situations full of uncertainty, it's like I'm back at square one. My "little faith" bothers me so much. I have been trying to meditate on Proverbs 3:5-6 and let it calm my heart. Still! Oh the inconveniences of being human!

Confessions:

I live in a house that is over one hundred years old. At night, when everyone else is sleeping and I run water to brush my teeth, I can hear the old pipes creaking and rumbling. It took me a long time to realize that the noises I was hearing were the pipes. But now, I pretend that there's a basilisk in my pipes, and it makes me really happy at 1:00 o'clock in the morning to imagine a mythical creature living in my house's pipes. It brings me that much closer to Harry Potter. It makes my life feel a lot more exciting. I'm glad that at 23 my imagination is still running smoothly!

Big News!!!

Tonight at Target, we registered for the most important item on our entire registry:

Great Day:

8:32 a.m. -I read Till We Have Faces while Riley sleeps.

11:48 a.m. -Bubbles skitter in the wind, or pop with a splash as they are pricked by stalks of grass.

4:05 p.m. -Claire asks me how mermaids go pee-pee.

5:27 p.m. -I dance to Belle and Sebastian in the car, while driving to my third babysitting job of the day.

7:11 p.m. -Jonathan tells me he likes me!!

7:30 p.m. -Thomas asks me to lay my hand on his hand and pray that his guardian angel will "fight all the bad stuffs and protect me." So I do.

8:23 p.m. -I get home, take a long hot bath, and continue reading my book.

!!!

I'm back in the swing of things here in California! Well, mostly. I stopped by Stater Bros. on the way to work today to pick up some groceries. I picked out all my favorites: French bread, pepper jack cheese, edamame, cinnamon gum...and then I got up to the cashier to pay, and I didn't have my wallet. Lame! I was so sad, I had to leave before the cashier could see the tears in my eyes.

It's great to be back with Claire and Nicholas--I kissed Nicholas about 300 times just to make up for all the kisses I missed while I was gone. Claire and I played outside with her new watering cans and the hose. I got really into it--I pretended the dry parts of the lawn were countries who had never heard the word of God, and that the water was the Good News. So I kept filling up my watering can from the barely trickling hose and shouting, "Bring the Gospel to the nations, Claire!! Bring the Gospel!" Poor child.

Lauren, Adria, and I met up at the Fullerton Farmer's Market today, and bought all kinds of lovely flowers and vegetables and fruits. (And I ate so many of the avocado samples that I thought they were going to kick me out of the market.) The corn on the cob there is SO good, especially doused in lime juice. Amidst the heaps of cauliflower, bell peppers, Persian cucumbers, green beans and strawberries, Adria declared that if she ever gets married she is going to carry a bouquet of vegetables.

We bought flat bread, hummus, green beans, potatoes, strawberries, and renunculus (sp?) and took them back to Adria's apartment for a dinner party!

I love my life, especially this day. But I do want a couple things:

1. Sean to get home from Hawaii.

2. Sleep because I am working for 12 hours tomorrow!

Be a man, Allan!!!!!

In a couple hours I'm going to catch the commuter rail and head to Boston to catch my flight back to L.A. I am simultaneously happy and sad. I've been having such a great time with Megan, and I feel so at home here, that it's hard for me to reconcile myself with leaving. At the same time, I am flying back to a very full, wonderful life: thus, I am happy.

Last night I made a wedding website on The Knot. Now I feel like my wedding is even more of a reality...especially since it gives you that little count down thing. 80 days, and I will have a different last name! Megan and I had a wonderful lounging day yesterday...Or I guess I was the one who did the most of the lounging while she worked and went to classes, but I did go to one class with her. I napped, worked on a bunch of wedding details (this event might actually come together, believe it or not), and read Things I've Been Silent About, by Azar Nafisi (so good). We had Annie's Mac and Cheese for dinner, and watched Jeopardy, LOST, and an Office Marathon on TBS--Consequently I have been singing all day, "Ryan started the fire!"

Today we went on a walk in the woods--I wanted to go one more time before I had to leave. Sean's been sending me pictures of sea turtles on the beaches of Oahu, so I've been desperately wanting to see a turtle myself--And today, while we were walking in the woods, I found a little turtle right in the middle of the path. I screamed, and nearly scared Megan to death, but it was very exciting! We almost met a horse on the trail whose name is Dustin Hoofman, which makes me really, really glad since I am a devoted fan of The Graduate.

On Monday, Megan and I took the commuter rail into Boston, and then the T out to Cambridge where--with all the good fortune in the world--we stumbled onto the best tour of Harvard ever given in the history of the world. The guy leading it was this dynamic, hilarious history major wearing a shirt reading, "HAHVAHD," and he told the funniest stories so that by the end we were hanging on every word. I saw the windows of the rooms where John Adams, John Hancock, and Sam Adams lived...as well as the dorm where JFK and Teddy Roosevelt lived while at Harvard. So much history! We also learned about lots of Harvard legends, rituals, and secrets...Primal Scream being our favorite. By the end of the tour, I was happy to tip him the requested 10 dollars, and I walked around laughing unstoppably for the next hour. I bought a Harvard magnet for my collection, and then Megan and I had lunch at a bar called Grendel's Den. I had to eat there, just for the name. We ordered the Cheese Fondue for Two--Neither of us having ever had cheese fondue before, we figured Grendel's Den was the appropriate place to try it. My words upon tasting the said entree went something like this, "I have found love....I have come home."

After that we took the T to Beacon Hill, and walked down Charles Street until we reached Boston Public Gardens, and I got to see Make Way for Ducklings! We walked through the Gardens and the Boston Common, and everything was so green, the flowers blooming, Spring coming, the trees swaying in the breeze--It was so pretty that it literally hurt. We picked up the Freedom Trail and followed it all through Boston, seeing many amazing historical sites along the way, until we reached Old North Church--the church where Paul Revere saw the lanterns, "One if by land, two if by sea!" I've been there before, but I think that this time I had more of the capacity to appreciate it. There was also a statue of St. Francis preaching to the birds in the garden outside the church, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek.


Well, I've got to go pack!

"A king dreaming of sunshine...and a wolf."

HAPPY EASTER! CHRIST RISEN!

And my heart and my life are bursting with happiness!

Today was so beautiful, even though it started at the incredibly early hour of 6:00 a.m. We went to a sunrise service on the beach, and stood, shivering and singing in the cold morning light, with our feet making gentle impressions on the soggy sand. In the Eastern sky, glorious oranges and pinks flamed with beauty, and in the Western sky the tissue paper moon clung stubbornly to the day. "Sing ye heavens, and earth reply..." And it was not hard to imagine the sun, and the gray sheet of ocean, the sea gulls, and the moon all celebrating the joy of resurrection.

Creation knew about Resurrection long before Jesus ever actually died on the Cross and rose from the dead. C.S. Lewis said that the very lengthening of the days during Spring--the returning of light--and the blossoming of all the flowers and trees that died during winter--foreshadow and affirm the Resurrection.

So I stood there, hardly able to conceive of the goodness and the wonder and the beauty of living in a world where the Resurrection is a reality. Not a fairy tale, but the essential truth...the foundation upon which all things exist.

The Bible says that man's days are like grass, that we are dust. We flourish like a flower of the field, the winds blows over us, and we are gone, and our place remembers us no more. And yet, as I've wandered these New England woods and towns the past few days, I am convinced that even the short life of these flowers does not take away from their beauty. They are beautiful in their time. And man is not simply made of dust, but of the Breath of God.

In church, sitting on the worn wooden pews and trying not to fall asleep, I was filled with the warm realization that Christmas and Easter make my life bearable, worth living, actually valuable, and wonderful...As long as Christmas and Easter endure, as long as their Truth remains among us, we will have hope.

After church, we came home and I took a luxuriously long Easter nap, and then Megan's friend Amy picked us up and took us to Lynn, where Gordon has a dorm in the city. Angela, her sister Heather, Anna, Andrew, Amy, Megan, and I shared a lunch of pasta, salad, garlic bread and brownies, and played Bible trivia games, Cheats, and telephone pictionary (hence, the title of this blog). Telephone pictionary sent me through roof with laughter, and settled me into a joyously happy mood that I've had the rest of the day, because I laughed until the tears were running down my face, and I just couldn't laugh enough.

Megan and I got back to Gordon around dusk, and went for a walk in the woods to Gull Pond, talking about life and God and listening to the tree frogs and throwing rocks into the water. When night finally settled we sat on the dock at Coy Pond and I told her stories about the preschoolers in my Sunday School Class at Blessed Sacrament.

We ended this most lovely day snacking on salt and vinegar chips and looking at pictures on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com --a site I most highly recommend. (I also retook the Harry Potter house quiz, and am still decidedly Hufflepuff.)

Tomorrow we're going to Boston!

"Jesus came up from the ground so dirty,
with worms in his hair and a hand so sturdy,
to call us his magic, we call him worthy..."

"Yeahhhhhh...."

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life, which surprised me, really, because I only got three hours of sleep the night before. In my experience, nights with three hours of sleep are not usually precursors of great days, but yesterday proved to be a delightful exception. I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and woke up at 4:00 a.m. when Sean texted me to say they'd finally landed in Honolulu. He also informed me that he won the Halfway to Hawaii Contest--meaning that he correctly guessed the time at which the airplane was exactly halfway to Hawaii, and thus won a bottle of wine. I AM SO PROUD! After that I couldn't fall back to sleep--probably because I'd been binge sleeping all day Thursday and a lot of Friday. My body was basically glutted with sleep, and could take no more. At least, that's the only possible explanation I can come up with for why I found myself so uncharacteristically wide awake through the wee hours of Saturday morning. I waited til 6:30 a.m. and then got up to take a shower and get ready for the day.

Megan's friend Sarah picked us up and took us to the train station where we took the commuter rail to Boston's North Station. There we caught another train and started rolling out of Boston's massive industrial landscape toward the woods, fields, and ponds of Concord. There's nothing quite like an old friend. We flew down the rails, munching on tortilla chips and laughing about old Mark Lowry comedy videos. Example: "What happens when two women love the same man, and that man is UGLY?"

Forty minutes later we alighted in the unwittingly charming town of Concord, Massachusetts. Shouldering our bags, we followed the directions of Megan's hand-drawn map, and walked to the downtown area, which was filled with old bookstores and antique shops, and a million other quaint distractions, but we had only one purpose: Orchard House. We walked briskly down Lexington, a road lined with beautiful New England houses, so stately and inviting at the same time, and yards filled with daffodils, crocuses, and forsythia...and then we rounded a corner and there it stood. Megan grabbed my arm and we stood there for a moment in disbelief, but then we went and immediately signed up for a guided tour of the house. It was so unbelievably awesome! We got to see the desk where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women, we got to see actual paintings done by May Alcott (Amy), we even got to see the big old barn that Bronson built to host his Philosophy meetings in the back yard. They had music from the Little Women soundtrack playing throughout the house, and it was like a dream come true.

During the tour, we befriended Riley, an 8th grade boy who was tagging along with his parents for a sight-seeing trip in Concord. He and I went to sit outside after the tour was over, and I asked him if we could get a ride with his parents back to downtown, since we were starving for lunch. So these friendly strangers took us back to town, and we ate lunch at a bustling cafe, and then explored a couple used bookstores and antique shops, where I inevitably found some treasures that I simply had to make my own: Most notably, a small copy of King Lear printed in the 1800's with which I immediately fell in love, and some old, handmade Concord lace which I am going to wrap around my bridal bouquet.

After our shopping expedition (and running into Riley again in the antique store, which was called "Thoreauly Antiques), Megan and I set off for Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. The cemetery is only a short walk from the downtown area, and we found it easily enough, and entered through Author's Gate, in search of the famous Author's Ridge. We had been in the old and vast cemetery for maybe a minute before I cried out, "PROCTOR!!!!!" in a voice thick with emotion. Standing before me was a large obelisk reading, "Proctor," in stone carved letters. Try as I might, I couldn't convince myself that it didn't belong to my most beloved John Proctor, and I was nearly hyperventilating with the excitement of seeing his grave. Next we found Emerson's tomb, and then the Alcott family's, then Hawthorne, and finally Thoreau. At each one we paid our deepest literary homage, and I thought that if we spread out our blanket and sat down amongst these long dead writers, I could probably write something beautiful and inspired, with the words simply flowing out of my pen. But I didn't bring anything to write on or with--just a book to read in case the train rides got long--so we found a shady spot, and sat down to rest--since by then our bodies were rapidly tiring.

After a lovely rest in the shady graveyard, we set out for our next destination: Lexington and Concord--site of the first battle of the Revolutionary War, and the shot heard round the world. As meaningful as it was to see Orchard House, I don't think anything compares to the Concord battleground, where you can see the land on which the British soldiers stood and then, across Old North Bridge, the land on which the farmers and Minute Men assembled to defend their lives and fight for their freedom. I got tears in my eyes (and if they had been playing, "Proud to Be an American" in the background, I would've fallen down weeping) as we gazed on the birthplace of our nation. I kept imagining Paul Revere riding his horse like mad through the countryside, pounding the turf between Boston and Concord and shouting, "The British are coming!" and all the brave men and boys who grabbed their guns, and, with the insatiable courage which makes me so proud of my country's history, went out to fight the greatest army in the world at that time. Magnificent! I was near bursting with patriotism and pride.

We lingered there as long as we could, taking in the peacefulness and quiet, which made it so difficult to imagine the terrain filled with soldiers and guns and blood and war. We finally headed back to town, walking past the Old Manse where Hawthorne lived when he first got married, and the vegetable garden that Thoreau planted for them as a wedding gift. We dragged our weary bodies back to the train station, and caught our train back to Boston, and an hour and a half later we caught another train back to Gordon.

The best days are the ones in which you earn your rest, and fall into bed to, as Megan says, "Sleep hard on clean white sheets." Of course, the best days are also the ones spent stuffing your eyes with wonder, as Bradbury describes it. And the very best days are those spent with the ones you love the most.

Writing from the East Coast!

Yesterday morning I arrived at Boston's Logan International Airport, and Megan came to pick me up. We took the subway, and then a commuter train back to Wenham, and now I am comfortably ensconced in a charming little apartment on the campus of Gordon University. I slept all day yesterday in my airy, sunny bedroom, which I have all to myself. Last night, we ate tortilla soup and watched Made of Honor, and even though I'd slept all day, I still managed to fall asleep around 2:00 a.m. and sleep for 10 more hours.

Megan woke me up at noon today, which is a good thing because who knows how long I might have slept? After a shower, and a bowl of cheerios, Megan took me on a tour of Gordon's campus. And while she enjoyed the delightfully warm weather (after a long Massachusetts winter), I couldn't believe how unrealistically cold it felt for April. The loveliest part of our day was going walking in the Gordon woods. It rained three days straight right before I got here, so different parts of the path were flooded and the woods were filled with all kinds of marsh and swamp looking areas. I spent the walk throwing various sticks and rocks into the different puddles and ponds about us, and exclaiming excitedly over the newly blooming clumps of sunny daffodils scattered along the path. There's nothing like a still-bare winter landscape to make flowers look even more beautiful.

Tonight Megan and I made a chicken pot pie, and watched 500 Days of Summer (a movie we've both been dying to see). Aside from the inevitable strangeness of a movie that teaches belief in true love by telling an ill-fated love story, I liked it. What I liked even more was opening the Blockbuster case to take out the movie, and seeing that Sean had written a special love-note for me on the Blockbuster receipt which I'd mindlessly folded up and shoved in the case.

Right now Sean is about 35,000 feet in the air, somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, in a jet that should soon be nearing the Hawaiian Islands...and I miss him.

Tomorrow, Megan and I are going on an adventure...but not just any adventure--the best kind of adventure--a literary adventure to Orchard House, home of the Alcotts! We also hope to visit Sleepy Hollow Cemetery (burial site of Emerson) and Lexington/Concord...where the first shots of the Revolutionary War were fired. We shall see how successful we are because we do not have a car, and we are relying on public transit and our own four legs for transportation!

Birthdays, Old Friends, and Boston!

Today was Claire's birthday, which means I got the day off work. But yesterday, I got to celebrate with her. I brought her a princess balloon, and a bag full of gifts, and a Dora the Explorer card, and we made funfetti cupcakes, and she thanked me about a hundred times for all her gifts. I love that little girl (and her brother) so much! My favorite gift that I gave her was beginner's chopsticks, because she always asks me for two drinking straws and then uses them to stab (very unsuccessfully) at her food and tells me that they are her chopsticks.

Yesterday was also wonderful because Andrew and Sarah came into town! We had a celebratory dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, and then went back to the guys' apartment and reminisced about our college days. Oh, the memories! The best part was most definitely when Scott said, "Well, if we're all done here, I think I'll head over to the Christian Bookstore."

I used today to accomplish a lot of things on my To-Do List. I'm trying to get as many things done as possible before I head off to Boston tomorrow. Yes, that's right, tomorrow night I'm flying out to Boston to visit my oldest and bestest friend: Megan!

So, hurrah, I'll write from Boston!

Love to all!

I babysit Jewish children!

About a week ago, my mom called to inform me that I must go to Biola's bookstore on Thursday, March 25th between 5:00 and 8:00 p.m. in order to purchase my graduation announcements and a cap and gown. After a brief pause, I said, "Oh, I forgot I was graduating." In the all-consuming importance of planning a WEDDING and anticipating MARRIAGE, the celebration of my extremely hard-earned college degree almost got overlooked. Not anymore. Tonight I went to the bookstore and purchased the ridiculously over-priced announcements (which I am looking at as a financial investment, and hoping they will bring in more than I paid for them in the form of congratulatory gifts...) as well as my cap and tassel. I didn't need to procure a gown, since I am going to wear Sarah's. The more I think about it, the happier I am that I am wearing Sarah's gown, it is a small, but important, link to the class that I came in with, and to all of my dear friends with whom I went through college but did not get to graduate. All that to say, now I am feeling really excited about graduation!

I am also feeling really excited about my wedding. Priscilla of Boston called me yesterday to tell me that my shoes and my veil are both (finally) in, and will be shipped to me immediately. This means they either arrived today (I haven't gone home yet to check) or tomorrow! In the midst of the sheer mayhem of wedding planning, it is comforting to know that my wedding garb is taken care of. Everything else might go wrong, but my dress, veil, and shoes are perfect, and thus, I must conclude, the day will be perfect. Also, Sean will be there.

And thanks to Biola's Career Expo which I attended this morning, I am even feeling slightly encouraged about my working status and professional life after college. I might actually get a job that I like and am good at!

But if it all falls through, I know that I still have babysitting...at least for the next few years until it just gets too weird to have a thirty-something woman coming to your house to take care of your kids. I babysat Claire and Nicholas for 7 hours today, and when I left, I had the bouyant realization, "That was easy...and fun." Seven hours of technically hard work, and it flew by, and I enjoyed myself. That is a true sign that I am doing something that I love. I also found out that Claire and Nicholas are a quarter Jewish. For those of you who truly know me, you know how much this means to me. If it was possible, and I highly doubt it that it is, I adore those kids even more now. I spent the day regarding them with nothing short of great awe...Holding Nicholas and thinking, "I am holding a quarter Jewish child..." or feeding Claire lunch and thinking, "I am feeding a child who is a quarter Jewish!" When Claire went down for her nap this afternoon, I got a lot of one on one time with Nicholas, who is almost 9 months old. My mind started to drift (as it normally does) to Harry Potter, so I started telling Nicholas, "You're just a little bit younger than Harry was when he survived/defeated Voldemort for the first time..." I hope his dad wasn't listening too closely from the next room.

Just Registered!

It's so hard to make time to write. Right now I just want to go home, read, take a shower, and sleep for a really long time. I've been at Sean's apartment, working on my resume for most of the evening. I really dislike working on a resume, or should I say, trying to sum up my entire self on a sheet of paper...And even that wouldn't be too hard, except for the fact that the sheet of paper must be perfectly formatted with no grammatical or stylistic errors. There's a career expo at Biola tomorrow, so Sean and I are going to wander around with our resumes in hand, eagerly looking for jobs.

I feel utterly overwhelmed by everything I have to do between now and June 26th. I really hope our wedding is out of this world amazing, otherwise I will be furious that we did not just elope. I have never so many decisions to make in my entire life! I have also never had so many people calling and asking me what they should wear. I am probably in charge of picking out or approving of outfits for at least 30 people on my wedding day.

I really should be more relaxed than this, considering that Sean and I spent the weekend at his house, and I took at least three bubble baths a day. We also registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, which was not as awful an experience as I expected, but wasn't exactly great fun either. We registered for five pages of stuff. Then we asked the lady how much most people register for. She rolled her eyes and said she's printed off registries at least fifty-six pages long...that's fifty one pages longer than ours, which made me feel a lot better...I sure felt like a moronic materialist monster wandering around the store and zapping anything I wanted with my scan gun, so that other people can buy it for me. Sean's mantra for the excursion was, "I will not sell out." This enabled him to resist the inevitable temptation of registering for things we absolutely do not need, and it helped us keep a levelheaded approach to the somewhat heady, mind-altering experience of being let loose in a store to pick out whatever your heart desires. By far the most expensive thing for which we registered was the tangerine colored Kitchenaid Mixer, weighing in at a hefty $300, but that was also just about the only thing I wanted. Why? Because I know I will use it. Because I know it will last. And because my childhood development can be measured by my growing ability to engage my own mother's Kitchenaid Mixer. Suffice it to say, the sturdy Kitchenaid mixer is an uncompromisable domestic asset which I really do feel my kitchen (and my life!) would be incomplete without. Other than the Kitchenaid mixer, the only other thing I got really excited about was towels...This is also due to my childhood, but in the reverse manner--meaning that growing up we never had enough towels for our burgeoning family, and I have made it my mission to have a plentiful amount of large, fluffy towels in my future home...even if I have very little else. So, from the way it's looking, Sean and I will be setting up house with plenty of books, towels, and of course, love. What more could we ask for?

Recap!

I just awoke from a wonderful nap in which I was at a grand old city library, that not only had books galore, but also had clothes from every year in the past century for sale. Needless to say, it was heaven! Books and vintage clothes in the same location! Unfortunately, I also dreamed that a Winnie the Pooh movie was released in which Christopher Robin commits suicide at the end, much to the trauma of American children.

Well, it's been quite a few days for Sean and I. Right now we are up in Foster City visiting Sean's parents. We got in last night, when we flew in stand-by from Los Angeles. Kendrick drove us to the airport at sunset, cruising along the 105-West, listening to Coldplay. We were blessed to get on the first flight, and about an hour later we landed at SFO. It's so lovely to have a few days off just to relax. I made sure to take a very long bubble bath last night, reading the back issues of People magazine and my latest midwifery chronicle.


Today we had lunch with Sean's friend and mentor, Tom, who is officiating our wedding. It's really exciting to start seeing even the smaller details of the wedding come together. Last night I went to the Book of Common Prayer online and copied and pasted the traditional ceremony into a Word document and then edited it to get it exactly how we want it. I think it's going to be a beautiful ceremony.

Anyway, like I said, it's been a busy week. On Tuesday night, my cousin Lisa was in town visiting from Raleigh, North Carolina. Sean and I drove down to Long Beach to meet up with her and have dinner. Meeting up with her was the easy part, as we found her quite quickly, picking her up from Long Beach Memorial Medical Center (where her dad is staying right now), but finding a place to eat proved to be more difficult. Lisa's iPhone's GPS kept insisting that we were in Colorado as Sean and I struggled to follow his friend's directions to Long Beach's downtown district. Anyway, after an hour and a half of driving around, we finally ended up in the Shoreline area and ate dinner at The Rock Bottom Brewery, which Sean really loved because "rock bottoming" people is one of Sean's favorite phrases. It was so fun to see a familiar face all the way out here in California. I had forgotten how much fun Lisa is to hang out with, and since I haven't seen her since the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college, we had quite a lot of catching up to do!

On Wednesday, I spent the day with Emily Moothart and her three adorable boys. In the morning, while the boys were having Quiet Time, she and I got to talk a lot, and once the boys got up we made Clover Rolls in honor of St. Patrick's Day. I've been thinking a lot about my future...you know, career options, grad school, stuff like that. But being in their home, and making bread with those precocious little boys confirmed all of my deepest convictions that what I want more than anything is to be a wife and mom. Forget fancy degrees, I know that I will be happy as a clam if I have enough children to keep me busy, and, of course, if I get to share life with Sean every day.

Wednesday night I babysat for Madison and Taylor. We watched Finding Nemo, which made me cry, and then Disney Princess Sing Along Songs. SO GOOD! Madison went into her room to put on her Belle dress--to get in character for the sing-along--and I asked her if she needed help. "No, I can do it by myself. I need some pri-acy," she told me in no uncertain terms. Never mind that she cannot yet pronounce the word "privacy" correctly, she is most decidedly an independent little girl.

On Thursday, Sean and I got to have lunch with Dr. and Mrs. Corey...in the President's office! It was really awesome! Each time Sean tells the story to other people, it grows a little more absurd..."We ate lobster that the President caught with his bare hands that very morning..." But in all seriousness, it was a delicious catered lunch, and we got to tell them how we met, and about our Biola experiences, and our plans for the future, as well as hear advice from them about marriage and stuff. It really helped me to realize just how much I've loved Biola and been blessed by it.

Thursday afternoon, Sean came with me to babysit Claire and Nicholas, since he didn't have classes due to Missions Conference. We took them on a walk to the park, and picked dandelions and went down the slides and played basketball, and just had a great time. On the walk back to their house, Sean was carrying Claire, and she asked him if he was my daddy. He said no, so she asked him if he was my little boy! Hahaha! When we left three and a half hours later, Sean was like, "Care, how do you do it? That is such hard work!"

So, for now we are going to keep enjoying our time up here as much as possible before we have to go back to L.A. and back to work and back to the books. But I'm enjoying our little respite up in the Bay Area!

Earthquake!!!

So apparently the possibility of an earthquake has not yet entered my still seemingly Floridian mentality. The first earthquake I experienced was last year, while I was visiting Sean in his dorm room at Horton. The room started shaking, all the furniture was vibrating, and it never crossed my mind that this could be due to an earthquake, I simply said, "Sean! Stop shaking the room!" To which he replied, "I'm not doing anything!" And I dogmatically refused to believe him.

This morning, I was awakened around 4:00 a.m. to my bed shaking, the entire room shaking quite violently. In my half asleep state, I sat up in bed and saw my roommate Shaya sitting up in her bed, and I promptly felt intense amounts of anger towards her as I thought, "Why on earth is Shaya shaking the room like this?! I wish she would stop!" Then I went back to sleep. It was only this morning upon talking to my cousin Lisa who is visiting from North Carolina that I realized an actual earthquake occurred last night.

Spring is here! As much as I loathe the fact of losing an hour of sleep, I love the longer days, the extra rays of sunlight, and I am greatly enjoying the warmer weather. Yesterday Claire, Nicholas and I played outside all afternoon: drawing with sidewalk chalk, filling up cups of water with the hose and then pouring them out into the grass, visiting with the neighbor kids Shelby and Chase, going for wagon rides around the block, and just having a grand time. We lost electricity at their house around 4:00 p.m., so when I laid Claire down for a nap at 5:30, I took Nicholas outside. We sat outside in the gathering twilight, and watched the sun go down, watched the airplanes making vapor trails across the sky, and watched the setting sun turn those vapor trails to ribbons of gold. The neighborhood was delightful and peaceful in the cool of evening. Families were talking outside, the kids playing and riding bikes in the street. I held Nicholas in my lap, wrapped up in a baby blanket to keep him warm, and his chubby little baby body felt so cozy and warm in my arms. He sat so quietly, he didn't make a sound the whole time, just sat sucking contentedly on his pacifier and watching everything going on with his big brown eyes.